All The Wrong Questions: "When Did You See Her Last?"

Book #233 (Unique books)
Book #10 in 2014

 All The Wrong Questions: When Did You See Her Last?

by Lemony Snicket

 "I should have asked the question "How could someone who was missing be in two places at once?" Instead, I asked the wrong question -- four wrong questions, more or less. This is the account of the second.

In the fading town of Stain'd-by-the-Sea, young apprentice Lemony Snicket has a new case to solve when he and his chaperone are hired to find a missing girl. Is the girl a runaway? Or was she kidnapped? Was she seen last at the grocery store? Or could she have stopped at the diner? Is it really any of your business? These are All The Wrong Questions"

April 15th - 1 day - 277 pages

All The Wrong Questions: "Who Could That Be at This Hour?"

Book #196 (Unique books)
Book #5 in 2013

 All The Wrong Questions: "Who Could That Be at This Hour?"

by Lemony Snicket

"Before you consider reading 'Who Could That Be at This Hour?' ask yourself these questions:

1. Are you curious about what is happening in a seaside town that is no longer by the sea?

2. Do you want to know more about a stolen item that wasn't stolen at all?

3. Do you really think that's any of your business? Why? What kind of person are you? Are you sure?

4. Who is that standing behind you?"

February 2nd to 6th - 5 days - 258 pages

Notes:

NEW LEMONY SNICKET

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Slippery Slope

Book #194 (Unique books*)
Book #3 in 2013

 A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Slippery Slope

by Lemony Snicket

 "Dear Reader,

Like handshakes, house pets, or raw carrots, many things are preferably not slippery. Unfortunately, in this miserable volume, I am afraid that Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their journey up-and down- a range of strange and distressing mountains.

In order to spare you any further repulsion, it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story, particularly a secret message, a toboggan, a deceitful trap, a swarm of snow gnats, a scheming villain, a troupe of organized youngsters, a covered casserole dish, and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire.

Unfortunately, I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire Orphans. There is no reason for you to dedicate your-self to such things, and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery book slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle, or deep pit.

With all due respect,

"

January 15th to 27th - 3 days - 337 pages
  
Notes:
why is Lemony Snicket so great
 
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival

Book #172 (Unique books*)
Book #28 in 2012

 A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Carnivorous Carnival

by Lemony Snicket

 "Dear Reader,

The word "carnivorous" which appears in the title of this book, means "meat-eating," and once you have read such a bloodthirsty word, there is no reason to read any further. This carnivorous volume contains such a distressing story that consuming any of its contents would be far more stomach-turning than ever the most imbalanced meal.

To avoid causing discomfort, it would be best if I didn't mention any of the unnerving ingredients of this story, particularly a confusing map, an ambidextrous person, an unruly map, a wooden plank, and Chabo the Wolf Baby.

Sadly for me, my time is filled with researching and recording the displeasing and disenchanting lives of the Baudelaire orphans. But your time might be better filled with something more palatable, such as eating your vegetables, or feeding them to someone else.

With all due respect,
"

July 9th to July 12th - 4 days - 286 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Hostile Hospital

Book #157 (Unique books*)
Book #11 in 2012

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Hostile Hospital
by Lemony Snicket

"Dear Reader,
Before you throw this awful book to the ground and run as far away from it as possible, you should probably know why. This book is the only book that describes every last detail of the Baudelaire children's miserable stay at Heimlich Hospital, which makes it one of the most dreadful books in the world.

There are many pleasant things to read about, but this book contains none of them. Within its pages, are such burdensome details such as a suspicious shopkeeper, unnecessary surgery, an intercom system, anesthesia, heart-shaped balloons, and some very startling news about a fire. Clearly you do not want to read about such things.

I have sworn to research this story, and to write it down as best as I can, so I should know that this book is something best left on the ground, where you undoubtedly found it.

With all due respect,

"

March 6th to March 12th(I think) - 7 days - 255 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Vile Village

Book #156 (Unique books*)
Book #10 in 2012

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Vile Village
by Lemony Snicket

"Dear Reader,
You have undoubtedly picked up this book by mistake, so please put it down. Nobody in their right mind would read this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded in these pages.

I can think of no single reason why anyone would want to open a book containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the arrest of innocent people, the Deluxe Cell, and some very strange hats.

It is my solemn and sacred occupation to research each detail of the Baudelaire children's lives and write them all down, but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing, such as reading another book instead.

With all due respect,

"

March 4th to March 6th(I think) - 2 1/2 days - 259 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator

Book #155 (Unique books*)
Book #9 in 2012

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator
by Lemony Snicket

"Dear Reader,
If you have just picked up this particular book, then it is not too late to put it back down. Like the previous books in A Series of Unfortunate Events, there is nothing to be found in these pages but misery, despair, and discomfort, and you still have time to choose something else to read.

Within the chapters of this story, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, encounter a brightly colored staircase, a red herring, some friends in a dire situation, three mysterious initials, a liar with an evil scheme, a secret passageway, and parsley soda.

I have sworn to write down these tales of the Baudelaire orphans so the general public will know each terrible thing that has happened to them, but if you decide to read something else instead, you will save yourself from a heapful of horror and woe.

With all due respect,

"

March 1st to March 3rd - 3 days - 259 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Austere Academy

Book #154 (Unique books*)
Book #8 in 2012

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Austere Academy
by Lemony Snicket

"Dear Reader,
If you where looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are intelligent and resourceful children, and you might expect that they would do very well at school. Don't. For 'the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives.

Truth be told, within the chapters that make up this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E., and the metric system.

It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and writing the history of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night's sleep, in this case you should probably choose some other book.

With all due respect,

"

February 28th to March 1st - 2 1/2 days - 221 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill

Book #153 (Unique books*)
Book #7 in 2012

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Miserable Mill
by Lemony Snicket

"Dear Reader,
I hope, for your sake, that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience. If this is the case, I advise you to put this book down instantaneously, because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans, THE MISERABLE MILL might be the unhappiest yet. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumbermill, and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log.

The pages of this book, I'm sorry to inform you, contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine, a bad casserole, a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, a hypnotist, a terrible accident resulting in injury, and coupons.

I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children, but you haven't, so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming, please feel free to make another selection.

With all due respect,

"

February 27th - 1 day - 194 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Wide Window

Book #152 (Unique books*)
Book #6 in 2012

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Wide Window
by Lemony Snicket

"Dear Reader,
If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and the one you are holding may be the worst of them all.

If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signaling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain, and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this book will probably fill you with despair.

I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story.

With all due respect,

"


February 26th - 1 day - 214 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room

Book #151 (Unique books*)
Book #5 in 2012

A Series Of Unfortunate Events: The Reptile Room
by Lemony Snicket

"Dear Reader,
If you have picked up this book with the hope of finding a simple and cheery tale, I'm afraid you have picked up the wrong book altogether. The story may seem cheery at first, when the Baudelaire children spend time in the company of some interesting reptiles and a giddy uncle, but don't be fooled. If you know anything at all about the unlucky Baudelaire children, you already know that pleasant events lead down the same road to misery.

In fact, within the pages you now hold in your hands, the three siblings endure a car accident, a terrible odor, a deadly serpent, a long knife, a long brass reading lamp, and a reappearance of a person they'd hoped never to see again.

I am bound to record these tragic events, but you are free to put this book back on the shelf and seek something lighter.

With all due respect,
"


February 25th - 1 day - 190 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning

Book #138 (Unique books*)
Book #14 in 2011

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning
by Lemony Snicket

"Dear Reader,
I'm sorry to say that the book you are holding in your hands is extremely unpleasant. It tells an unhappy tale about three very unlucky children. Even though they are charming and clever, the Baudelaire siblings lead lives filled with misery and woe. From the very first page of this book when the children are at the beach and receive terrible news, continuing on through the entire story, disaster lurks at their heels. One might say they are magnets for misfortune.

In this short book alone, the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire, a plot to steal their fortune, and cold porridge for breakfast.

It is my sad duty to write down these unpleasant tales, but there is nothing stopping you from putting this book down at once and reading something happy, if you prefer that sort of thing.

With all due respect,
"

June 4th to June 5th - 1 1/2 days - 162 pages

Notes:
*I have read these lots of times but I'm counting it in my total because it's never been published here.

Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

Book #97 (Unique books)
Book #44 in 2009

Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid
by Lemony Snicket

"Life is a turbulent journey, fraught with confusion, heartbreak, and inconvenience. Unfortunately, this book will not help. Instead, this book of wit and wisdom offers a selection of alarming but inescapable truths from the work of Lemony Snicket, along with selections from his unpublished papers and remarks he has made at dinner parties and anarchist riots."

December 11th - 1 day - 168 pages

105 books read total (re-reads, audiobooks, etc. (since 2007))